Mindset Check with Katanya Nova

The Power of Self-Love and Owning Your Identity

• Katanya Nova • Season 2 • Episode 9

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Get ready to break down your mental barriers with us as we journey through emotional intelligence, personal identity, and authenticity. We discuss the limitations of our sphere of influence and the necessity of embracing open-mindedness. Along the way, we delve deep into our emotional responses when our expectations or core values are violated, encouraging you to question why we feel this way.

Then, we shift our focus to the power of self-love and the significance of owning your identity. We explore the dangers of people-pleasing and the potential loss of self it can lead to. We also shed light on the importance of integrating logical thinking and feeling for true self-intuition. By reflecting on our emotions and experiences, we uncover the path to emotional intelligence and self-empowerment.

Finally, we delve into standing up for yourself and rejecting hate. Despite living in a world that often makes us feel threatened for being true to ourselves, it's essential to embrace authenticity. Our discussion centers around self-condemnation and how it can hamper us from living our best lives. Please tune in for an enlightening conversation on honoring ourselves and others and opening up new avenues of understanding for a more positive human experience. 

To learn more about how you can work with Katanya, go to www.katanyanova.com.

Speaker 1:

When you have no level of understanding of perspective outside of your basic survival needs, meaning you haven't evolved, you haven't changed beyond the level of your knowing and level of your experience. Because you know People think that they sit at home with their little phones in their hands and that their truth is all that applies to the billions of people that exist in this world. But your truth is not same thing here. My truth is not going to be your truth. But if you're gonna stay here, just be open-minded. I'm gonna piss you off, I'm gonna violate your expectations, but I don't need you to believe a word. I say challenge it, challenge it, you don't have to do anything with it. But your truth, just as my truth. It's not everybody's universal way of living, but I'm showing up here giving perspective to expand your experience in your level of understanding most people, average person, who it may be you the biggest kind of in your lifetime, you probably have a sphere of influence of less than 500 people that you may have personally encountered, one to one. It could be a lot smaller than that for other people, by the way, but do you think that small sample size of your experience with those people Well, represent the entire world. It doesn't. It doesn't Same with me. I probably have a bigger sphere of influence and have dealt and work with people greater few thousands but it's only a small sample size. Even my. What I'm sharing with you is only limited to what I know and have experience. Someone else out there has a better and bigger wealth of knowledge than me and I would strive to go and and listen to those people who I admire so I can expand my limited. So it's sort of this expansion for people who sit there and their little phones in their little house who's really only been in their little neighborhood, think that their truth is universal and it's dogma. It's not. But what I share here is hey, if you're gonna live your life, at least know who you are, standing your power and strive to Experience yourself and have a positive experience. You just have to have a positive experience. Your experience may. It's not going to be the experience of your next door neighbor. You think you're having the same experience. You're not. You can even sit next to your spouse and you think you're having the same experience. You're not. You're not. Your truth is yours.

Speaker 1:

I challenge you to get violated by me. Yesterday someone said like oh, the person felt assaulted by my words and I'm like, yeah, why are you to get assaulted by my words? But what does that mean for you? You know it has nothing to do with me, it really has nothing to do with me. So ask yourself if you are someone like, who feels like, oh, this is like sandpaper. Right, this is like sandpaper.

Speaker 1:

And the natural inclination of people is to throw judgment, say there's something wrong with her, I don't like her, she must be hurt, she must have got whatever the judgment, the negative judgment, criticism is, she must be bitter, she must be unhappy. Quite the contrary, actually. But instead of initially projecting again, the natural inclination of people is to throw shade at someone when you know that something stirs up. Like I said, this guy said yesterday, or maybe he was a woman and said I feel assaulted. I was like well, that is actually a good place to start getting curious and ask yourself what was this about this engagement? What did she say that I didn't like? But see, not a lot of people has this level of awareness to kind of reconcile, right? This is why emotional intelligence is so important. This is what I share here on my account.

Speaker 1:

Mindset check is around emotional intelligence, self-awareness, self-intunement and order-free, to better self-manage and self-regulate. This is what I share here, this is what I teach and, like I said, I'm just gonna keep saying it over and over again I will violate your expectations and, in this process, if you feel like you have been violated by me, assaulted by me verbally, then this is a time to go. Hmm, mindset check. What's really going on? Well, she said this. What is it that I didn't like about what she said?

Speaker 1:

So, for example I'll give you guys an example let's talk about religion, because that's the first thing that kind of you know gets people riled up. I'm gonna say I don't go to church. I don't go to church, I don't like church anymore. I've been there, done that, I've served my time. I used to be in children's ministry, women's ministry. I led children's worship, women's worship, as well as be the backup vocals to my main church at that time. This is back in like 2005-ish, all the way through like 2013. And then one day, I just said this is not the place for me anymore. I no longer wanna be at church. I'm going to find my own truth. And that's exactly what I did. I got out of my limited scope of thinking and living and got out this box that I was put in and I said it's not landing right for me.

Speaker 1:

The example of I say no, I'm a spiritualist, I don't believe in religion. I respect people who still value that, but that's not my value. My value is spiritual awareness, not religion. Right, so you may sit there and say, well now, I don't like her now because she's not a Christian or she's not this, or she's not a Muslim or she's not a Catholic.

Speaker 1:

You see, this is example of expectations, violations, or at least violation of your core values. Because what you believe in, you have strong Christian convictions and I don't. I'm gonna say no, I don't believe in the old rules of marriage because I feel like when I put that ring on, I'm a slave. Oh, that gets people wild up. But see, there's a thing, it's not about me. You gotta ask, okay. So here's sort of how you're gonna filter through this process. And, by the way, if you are hardcore Christian and you value traditional marriage, hey, that's yours, own it. But don't project onto another person to say you're an evil person, you must die, you must get saved, you're gonna go to hell because you do not believe in the construct in which I believe, in which I hold near and dear to my heart my core values, right, because it's yours, do you realize? It's only yours and yours alone, and maybe with a core group of people that you live in your space and in your community, but it's not going to be the same as someone else. So when I violate someone's expectation, again mindset check, mindset check. What's really going on is about hmm, I don't like that.

Speaker 1:

She said that for women, marriage is really like slavery, and then you're gonna get riled up and say, okay, well, I see, okay, well, that's her experience and I can see how she's sharing that experience and how the felt make me feel. But see, this is my experience, and people want to invalidate this experience, right, and say, no, you're wrong. No, you're just as right as I am, because my experience is marriage is like slavery and your experience maybe you have come from a loving place and have had a great experience in this area. So you have to say, oh, this is where the disconnect is, because my experience is different and my views are slightly different. But it's sort of like OK, I get it.

Speaker 1:

What is your self-management then? Awareness entunement, what is the self-management? How are you going to handle the situation, then you're going to go. I just see it for what it is. Doesn't make her any less of a person. It doesn't make what I believe in any less than what she's saying.

Speaker 1:

So, with that said, I'm not going to do anything. It's a neutral, it's a neutral space. There's nothing that needs to be added, that nothing needs to be done. But guess what a lot of people will do? Lack of self-management, lack of awareness, low emotional intelligence. So what are they going to do? They're going to throw shade. No impulse control, no depth of empathy, awareness, social perception, none of that. But see, it requires you to take yourself out from your limited level experiences and living, because a lot of people are still focused on basic needs and they haven't matured to be healthy, aware individuals. So there's no emotional intelligence. And so the self-management is if you are aware, you go OK, I don't need to do anything.

Speaker 1:

I respect her for who she is and what she's saying. I understand it and you know what. I'm good with what I believe in. I'm good with what I believe in. I'm good with it. And guess what? That's awesome. That's awesome. I'm not here to change anybody's core belief. That's yours. That's what being aware is and that's how you navigate through the stuff, and I just share this because you're going to experience this in real life. You're going to experience this in social media.

Speaker 1:

I see a lot of people get bent out of shape over 20-second videos here and think that they are an expert on the person because they saw a 20-second clip that violated their expectation of what they thought this person should be. And a lot of people do that and I'm sure you have observed yourself doing that. This is a great practice. If you're going to be online, start kind of seeing where your expectations start to get violated and, instead of getting your little fingers all hot and throwing shade at the person who created the video, expect Check in with yourself. Oh yeah, this obviously violates what I stand for, because I don't believe in this. Oh okay, next and start going to places with people that align with your core values and what you want to believe in. But see, a lot of people want to go to battle with people who have different. Because why? Because there's nothing better going on in those people's lives. They're just sitting on their couch, not using their energy, not finding their passion and ascending above basic skills, and obviously there's no purpose, there's no fulfillment. So you're just sitting there trying to go to war with someone who has different values as you are. Hurt people hurt people, but to a certain point people has to wake up.

Speaker 1:

She had left the age of Pisces, and age of Pisces was we believed we were puppets. We believed we did what. We were told. Guess what? We are all puppets and we are still all puppets Not me, but I'm still kind of doing the undoing. Right Now we are shifting into the age of Aquarius and this is why a lot of people, our foundation of a lot of people, are being shaken up, because in the age of Aquarius there is awareness. Now you know, you have enough experience to know that what you believed in didn't serve you well, and this is a time to make a change, to make a difference and say, hmm, I've been a puppet. How has my experience taken me away from who I truly am? Or, if not, it could be like, hmm, I'm living my best life ever, but what are some things that I can still improve on and grow and mature Again? There are so many different people here in different bearing stages and experiences in life. Thank you, guys, for your kind compliments.

Speaker 1:

I know for me, I stopped believing what I believe because what I believe and thought to believe since I was a little girl didn't do anything for me but hurt me, and I'm not going to sit here, allow what I believe and let that be my experience for the rest of my life. I don't know. I think marriage is prison. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I did it. I was in a relationship for 28 years. I'm so happy. I became a mom in my early 20s. Both my girls are adults, 26 and 20. That's why I can go anywhere and live anywhere and be what I want and do what I want, because I've already done all the hard work in my early and younger years. Now I'm in this place of like, all right, cool. I believe all of these things and I'm no longer believing them. I'm creating my own truth that will honor who I am as a person. That will honor what sparks up my soul, despite of all the criticism, despite what people want to throw at me.

Speaker 1:

And the thing is, when you decide that you just want to be you and you start going off script from the script that you've been following, just observe how people will start. You know sort of this. It creates friction. Well, wait a minute. Why are you acting like that? Well, wait a minute. Why are you doing that? Because, guess what? You're doing something off pattern that other people have known from you. And so this is the challenge with moving towards change, because for you, the change may not be as challenging. The change is how other people are going to interact and behave towards you. That's a challenging part. Expect to lose people. I've lost a lot of people. Actually, I didn't, I just allowed for people to weed themselves out of my life. I started to see people again side-eye. I'm like, all right, I'm glad I'm seeing all this. Am I taking it personally? I'm just accepting it. All right, then I know that these people are no longer going to be part of my next journey in life. Right, and it's okay. They are where they're at and it's okay for them to feel and think the way that they think and feel, because when you start to make change for yourself, it's going to be different. It's your track, what you want.

Speaker 1:

Make sure you do something that honors you 100%, and when you're a people pleaser and I've shared this you're a puppet, and yesterday that's why I wore these obnoxious contact lenses today and actually it matches my new earrings, right. Because someone like top of my life said you shouldn't wear colored contact lenses, you should show your natural eye color more. And it's like, so you're telling me, telling this individual, you want me to take something away from myself that I love my colored contact lenses so you can be happy. You want me to remove contact lenses that I love and, by the way, I'm blind like a bat. So my colored contact lenses are prescription lenses. So I share this, because as you start to tell people to be a certain way, it's really not for them, it's for you.

Speaker 1:

If you're telling people how to be, how to behave, how to look, how to talk, you're telling them that they're not good enough, only if you are a little thinner. It's sort of saying, until you do these, you modify yourself for me, then I will not accept you, I will not be happy. Do you see how fucked up that shit is? And guess what? I'm just using this as an example about my contact lens because it's these subtle things that a lot of people surrender to. This is a and, believe me, I've surrendered to this and the thing is, a lot of people who have been enablers. Again. We were brought up in the age of Pisces that we just believe. We comply, we people please, because people want you to be perfect in their eyes so they can be happy. And in this process you are taking yourself away and far from yourself, to where one day you wake up and you're like who am I? You have molded yourself, you have morphed yourself for everybody else, because everybody else has said oh, you'll be, you will only be accepted by me if you will only be accepted by me. If you're not friends with that person, you don't wear those shoes, you gain more weight. You lost more weight, you guys.

Speaker 1:

There's a complex with guys. Actually, guys are also just as insecure as a lot of women. There's a lot of guys who are beautiful and stunning and they're like oh, I wish I was over six feet tall and I sit there and I'm like what, what? Own it. If you're five, eight, own it. If you're five, six, own it. You're not any less of an individual because, again, we have lived in this sort of world where rules have been established for standards for people and guess what? I'm only five-one. I'm only five-one. I own my five-one petite frame. I'm Asian. I thrive on my kind of just owning who I am and you can thrive just owning who you are. Stepping into your power is the thing. This is what I share with people, like because I've lived, I've been through hell and back and it may not look like it because of how I look and how I continue to like have my head held high and I keep moving on.

Speaker 1:

If I didn't fight for myself, if I didn't believe in who I truly was, even though people since I was like a little child just wanted to take hold of me and put me in their little containers and I realized, like when I was a little girl, I used to think like what did I do? What did I do? And I used to just sit there and like I know who I am until I was old enough to say wait a minute time to fuck out. This is my experience in your right, dave. A lot of people. If I allowed other people to take over me, I'd be dead a long time ago. I was highly suicidal till about a few months before my 30th birthday and I finally said what's really going on? And this is why I'm so passionate and it's through this where you know I advocate for the underdog Because you know you've experienced all your life people telling you not to be you. At least I was strong enough, little headed enough, I mean no, it was a lot of pain. Yeah, it was like the seventh time I was attempting to unlife myself and I finally said wait a minute, mindset, check what's really going on. And I had to find my way back to myself. I had to find my way back to myself and now that I'm back to myself, it's like hell, yeah, motherfuckers, I'm stepping into my power.

Speaker 1:

Hate me, yes, please hate me. Just guess what? I don't hate myself. I don't mind people hating me because I love myself. So don't let other people fuck that shit.

Speaker 1:

And here's the thing you help to the people who I'm speaking to. That can relate to this Don't let people, don't let people's hate towards you make you hate yourself. Thank you, guys. It's the number one person you need to get closer to and really cling on to and really kind of embrace is you. If no one else is championing for you and you've become a puppet, oh no, I have to think. Don't say, don't think too much when you don't think. That gets you in a lot of trouble too. So again, let's not do these cliche things about how to live your life.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people have gotten to a lot of shit by not thinking things through. You have to integrate your mind, your body, your feelings and check in with all of them, not just there's a lot of people who are not logical and are just super feelers, and they get negative experiences as well. Or they don't know how to trust themselves and they become codependent. Same thing with people who are just thinkers. They don't even know how to feel and empathize with other people. The feelings then become suppressed. And here's the right way to do it Integrate with yourself.

Speaker 1:

How, if you're a feeler and thinking like how do I feel about this? Let me check in with, let me check in, journal it out. Okay, this is how I'm feeling. Do I trust how I'm feeling If I were to really ask myself true questions? Try to really integrate and sharpen your mind, your logical mind and, by the way, you have all of this Capabilities. This is, these are all of your gears. Activate them. Okay, if I were Quoting my thinker head on, what do I think I should do? You start to have this dialogue with yourself. You start to get good with it, not just checking in with your heart, checking in with your mind, checking in with your body. How does my body feel about this? What does my gut tell me about this? Integrate your entire being so you can activate yourself, start to trust yourself, examine yourself absolutely.

Speaker 1:

There's also a difference with being smart and checking in with yourself and analysis paralysis. Know the difference. Analysis, paralysis, over thinking is based out of fear and not in a position of power. When you're overthinking, it means you're not checked in and solid with yourself. You don't trust yourself. So you're overthinking out of the worst case possible thing that can ever happen to you, over catastrophizing. That is not being smart. That's not being aware. You are operating out of fear. You're operating out of scarcity. You're operating out of lack Operating, of not trusting yourself. That's the difference. You have to be smart. Activate your entire being by being aware of your mind, your heart, your gut, your body, even sleep it through, meditate, open yourself up to whatever messages you need to open up to and trust yourself in the process, standing your power.

Speaker 1:

Don't let other people's hate make you hate yourself. Because you've given up your power, you don't even know how to step in your power. And guess what? Like I said, I'm going to stand here and say, no, fuck that shit. You don't talk to me like that, you don't know me, you don't know where I've been through. Again, I respect and love people who I have that connection with, but I will also respond to people in a way that doesn't enable bullies to continue bullying people. Zero tolerance for bullies. So if you think it's okay that other people come on here and throw shade, then you're a bully too. And you're just here sitting kind of waiting for me to crack. I've cracked all the time. I'm not ashamed of cracking because that's who I am.

Speaker 1:

As a person, I'm authentic to myself, and people hate authentic people because it's unfamiliar to you. And that means then check in with your self mindset. Check why do I hate her so much? Oh, she's moving in a way that I haven't seen anyone else move and it's unfamiliar to me. It's like danger, danger, danger. And it's really not danger, it's just different, which doesn't mean anything other than well, what does that have anything to do with you? Then ask the questions.

Speaker 1:

Well, actually I would like to be a little bit more carefree and curse and dance to raunchy songs if I want to Work if I want to, or you know, it's the thing. It's like well, I don't want to do that because I'm going to get criticized and I'm not going to be accepted, I'm not going to be loved and I'm going to be condemned and I'm going to go to hell. Do you realize? All of that is self condemnation. Man created that's, taken you away from you living your best life ever. The only thing is like hey, honor yourself. Just as long as you're not hurting other people, you're not controlling other people, you're not, then come from a pure place of you honoring yourself and, in this process, also honoring other people. And a lot of people self condemn each other and the world is already hard because, why? The past conditioning has made you all puppets. It's like oh, I'm afraid to do this this way because I'm not going to be liked anymore. Thank you, guys for your kind compliments. I appreciate the kind words. I do. I appreciate it.