Mindset Check with Katanya Nova

Transforming Pain into Purpose: A Conversation on Self-Identity

• Katanya Nova • Season 2 • Episode 8

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Have you ever pondered on the idea of converting your pain into a catalyst for growth and love? In this riveting discussion, we delve into how to break the chains of societal expectations and craft a new self-identity. We look closer at unhealthy relationships, emphasizing the significance of self-reliance instead of expecting someone else to meet all your needs. We share thought-provoking insights on alchemy - the art of turning negative energy into positive vibes. As we explore the fundamental importance of self-discovery and finding purpose, remember that your soul's true purpose is to experience the richness within you and unearth self-love and resilience. So, awaken your inner self and step courageously into those experiences that promote growth and fulfillment.

To learn more about how you can work with Katanya, go to www.katanyanova.com.

Speaker 1:

If you've been the black sheep in your family and I think that's what's stopping me from living my dream the stories that we tell ourselves. Right, we create a story that and we also take on that shape and that identity. Think about it. You have the power to rewrite that script. In our world, yes, we do make sense of stuff and want to leave, and it is harder for what you would call black sheep or black wolf. Let's reframe this Black wolf. How's that? Black panther, black sheep? We're not sheeps, we're not to be herded. Next, sheeps are herded, right, they're herding animals, they're docile. Being a powerful individual is not calling you to be docile, it's calling you to be smart. No one to shift at whatever situation and not being one note Right. So, black sheep, let's do. Let's redo some. Let's start reframing. You are a black panther, you are a zebra, you are a unicorn, you are a bear. You just didn't quite fit into the construct of your conditioning. So what stories are you telling yourself that you are attaching yourself to? That's making it more difficult for you. So, instead of saying you know and I believe me, I've said it too I am the black sheep of my family, not these days. I'm rainbow bright. I'm rainbow bright. So you got a reframe and and what it is is like okay, black is outcasts, black is dark. But the reason why you have to go down your own path and not stick to the construct of your conditioning and your family unit is because you're supposed to go down and create your own path. That's what that means. But in this process we feel bad because we, you know we're like our family rejected us, our family, we always butt heads with our family, we had a bad experience with our family and that's you know. Quote unquote black sheep label. But let's, let's undo. Thank you guys. So for me, I'm rainbow bright. I was born in 1978 and actually kind of look like rainbow bright today. So if you're not familiar with rainbow bright, it was this cartoon in the 80s and I used to have a rainbow bright doll. So I'm rainbow bright, too bright, I'm too bright.

Speaker 1:

For you know, the construct of what I was expected and expected to stay, into, which I didn't, didn't fit me. Yeah, indoctrination, absolutely. And here's the thing Where's your loyalty to yourself? Where's your loyalty to yourself? And this is where there's normally a dominant figure, whether it's at home, whether it's in groups, whether it's in work where you become loyal to their cause. Well, how about you? How about you? So all of the zebras and the unicorns you're supposed to, you are supposed to undo and you're supposed to go down your own path.

Speaker 1:

And the painful part of it is because you are connected to your family. It's this part of like you feel obligated. You feel obligated like oh you know, I don't want to be a bad person, I still love them. You can love people from afar and right, negative programming can be done, and this is how I mean by stepping into your power. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just.

Speaker 1:

The world has your family unit and it's a dynamic, and this is sort of like a template in psychology. You have a dominant figure and there's a golden child, and then there's, you know, a fawn, and then again, depending on how many children is in a family unit, and then you will have a black sheet that they label as black sheet. Typically, it's the one that don't take the BS and can't stand the script that the family is functioning under, and typically it's also the one that is bullied by the family. Care Bear, care Bear, absolutely Care Bear. I'm rainbow bright. I kind of look like rainbow bright today, huh, and you have to look at it that way, because when you associate yourself to the dark aspect of life, when you know you have so much love, so much talent, so much potential still that you haven't yet experienced because you haven't taken yourself seriously and committed to your growth so you can build yourself as a strong individual, and it's about okay, what are the start here? What are some areas in my life that I need to start working on? Start there Okay, let me increase my competence in that area, baby steps, one at a time. You know, and this is a journey, this is your life's journey. This is not something that you're going to overcome in a year. This is a lifelong journey. You have to be loyal to yourself now. And how do I mean by that?

Speaker 1:

A lot of people, again, are conditioned to look externally, to serve some form of other thing, and has taken you away from serving yourself, prioritizing yourself, your happiness, and it's not selfish. And, again, we've been conditioned that if you do that, you're selfish. If anything else, you need to get into a place of being selfful. And so, for women, we've been conditioned to be selfless and we become martyrs. We lose our identity, we lose ourselves, we commit, dedicate, sacrifice ourselves to our families, and then we're sort of like left to continue to be strong.

Speaker 1:

But really, in reality, we take a lot of shit from a lot of people and even being a mom, you think that you have. You know, and again, this is this doesn't apply to all, this isn't applied to all. You know, I am, you know, I want to continue to bless the moms who have great relationships with their children, continue to nurture that and treat your children well. And then I know there's some of us here that we did our best but yet it turned out differently. And then there are some people here and I'm just going to call it out that you know you can do better, and the way that you can do better is by doing good for self.

Speaker 1:

First, elevating, leveling up yourself, healing, learning about those areas of your life you need to improve so you can show up better for the people you love the most. But anyway, going back to that, we do as women, as mothers, dedicate a lot of our time and energy and resources towards other people, and then we're sort of left, depleted, defeated, lost, unhappy, depressed, our health deteriorates, and so it's about selffulness. And then there's the extreme side of selfishness. Selfishness are those people who don't care about other people other than to get what they want whenever they want. So there's a there's always this fluid spectrum and you need to be fluid along with it. But for the most part, you need to again be loyal to yourself and be selfful. How can you create a balance sort of way where you're always honoring and acknowledging yourself and being present for yourself and knowing when you you're giving a little bit here, you're a little bit more serving oriented, which is fine. You're still a part of us. Then just know you need to lean more into it. You give yourself time to have some you time taking care of you, taking care of your needs, working on the things that you aspire to become your career, your foundation and, you know, stay in this happy medium.

Speaker 1:

But a lot of us, unknowingly, because no one teaches, taught us this we're over here in the selfless, sacrifice, martyr, low range of self, right, selfless, selfish, selfful. And that's kind of how guys always tell us women what to do, like it's our job to make man behave a certain way. Like I said, take up space, ladies. We need to take up space because guys don't mind taking up space and telling us what we should do, and this is the other species. It's the other species. Take up space in your own right, because guys will always do it and steamroll us. And this is the history, by the way, and this is why that just gets me fired up, and this is one of the reasons why I no longer want to work with men. I said I need the last month. I said, hell, no, fuck that shit. You guys want to learn from me, take from my knowledge and harass me. Not cool, I just have to stay in my lane right now and I want to empower women to step in your own power.

Speaker 1:

I am pro relationship. I know a lot of beautiful, healthy, mature men that's out there, but they only represent, quite honestly, less than 20% of the population, maybe even less. So there's still a lot of work to do, but we can't influence men to see our point of view. So we need to equip ourselves to be smarter, because we make those micro decisions every day that it's going to help impact your life. Who cares about the millions of other people and their experiences and relationship? You have a choice in yourself to make better decisions by becoming strong and self building a stronger foundation for yourself and then vetting people out. Vetting people out I didn't, you know, hear it. Vetting people out who are not right for you and the only way that you can walk away from unhealthy relationships and I know some of you may be in relationships and it's amazing. If you are in a healthy relationship, continue to nurture that and also continue to work on yourself. Don't lose sight of yourself. Have healthy relationships still outside of your relationship and don't rely on just that one person to be the end, all for you. Okay, for the people who are in relationships, start looking at that. How can you become healthier and become a better person for yourself?

Speaker 1:

And then a Maya feminist? I'm a human being. I'm a human being who know that everyone can do better and how they treat other human beings. It's just again, we like to label shit. Right, you're a black sheep. You're a feminist. How about? I'm just a human being, seeing that we can all be better human beings and, by the way, there's no more black sheep here. We are carobers, rainbow brights, unicorns, zebras. What else? We're not going to tell us.

Speaker 1:

The story of this like oh my gosh, we've been victimized. This hurts, this sucks, because guess what the reason why you're in this state? Because you have to stand up for yourself. Yeah, you have to stand up for yourself and say, yep, that's right, this is my life. No one's gonna do this for me and I am going to charge my path.

Speaker 1:

You can be a panda. I love it. You can be a panda Right, you can even be a pink panda Eagle awesome. You can be a panda. You can be a butterfly. You can be a Phoenix. Actually, I'll show you guys, that's my dress, my, my pretty dress. Okay, so I got a massage. So I've got like red marks on my back. Okay, hello, that's a Phoenix. You can be a Phoenix. You can be at a butterfly. You can be a dragonfly.

Speaker 1:

But let's not retell the story of I'm the outcast, I am the black sheep, I wasn't loved. I Felt pain, I felt trauma and yes, to be honest with you, they're real, they're your experiences, but they're no longer here. You're no longer in that space of whatever experiences that you had in the past that Conditioned you to say I'm an outcast, I'm a black sheep. Take that experience and say I, I am still here. How can I take this and and learn from it again? This is again, remember I say when you apply yourself, you make mistakes. Not that you made any mistakes some of those things that you've experienced you had Really had no say but just experience it the best and dealt with it the best that you knew how. So it's taking those experiences and honoring it and saying you know what? That was my past, this is my path of healing for myself. Right now, I'm going to build a strong, solid foundation for myself.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, changing negative energy to positive, and this is what you call transmutation. This is the key to alchemy. You know what alchemy is? Alchemy is just you changing your energy field, your energy, so you feel it in your body, it feels real. But, if anything else, this is how you process this Transformation. You transmute the negative energy, the bad experiences, and say, okay, I'm gonna take this, all of this, and release it, right, whatever, release it from your body. You can say you know, I'm gonna take this as my motivation for more love in my life, for myself, and I'm going to take everything that I've learned and apply it to myself, to better myself. And this is that, this again changing of your energetic frequency towards love. And how do I mean by that? It's no longer Poor me, I've been hurt.

Speaker 1:

Then your now again In your mode to stay stuck. You're not leveling up. How do you level up your mindset? How do you level up and increase your energy field to Support and to get you out of that space and get you in a place of faith, love, joy, peace, creation? Because, in reality, the place that I want to help all you guys get through get to is a place of creation. The place of creation is where you start alchemy, seeing, musing, some esoteric words.

Speaker 1:

So if you need clarification, ask the questions. So this is how you're going to alchemy your energy To create something different for yourself. You're very welcome if You're very welcome. If you're very welcome, if you're very welcome, if you're very welcome. This is called transmutation of energy. If you are stuck in the past, you're stuck in the pain and, by the way, this is I'm not talking here and just say it's all going to disappear tomorrow, but just having this awareness to know you are in the process of your own healing and trauma and pain stuck on happiness. You're transmuting and alchemy sing it to Something new and different that you want for yourself. Because, remember, you're the care bear, you're the golden dragonfly, you're even the dragon. You're even the rainbow bright. Whatever that you have.

Speaker 1:

Get a new identity for yourself, not the black sheet. You're not hopeless. You're not helpless. There's Billions of other people who will easily welcome you into their life. Your family unit is just a starting point to get you jump started to your experience here in life. Some of them are not permanent. You have that power to to pick a different path for you and love those people from afar, but you can also pick a different path for yourself and then, in the right time, maybe along the way later on, you know, the family unit can come together in a better and healthier way.

Speaker 1:

But when you're working on yourself, some of those things you do have to say, okay, I'm blessing that, I'm honoring it, but now I'm moving in this direction of healing and I'm Alchemy, sing my energy from a place of fear and hurt and trauma and pain to love and peace and joy and creation. So how can you create? People can't create because they're stuck in their pain and this is why it's important for you to do your healing. Get work, get learned up. Elevating, leveling up, okay, competency, increasing. It increases your confidence and this is how you apply yourself in real time. And in this process again remember, you're alchemy sing, you're elevating your energetic level to a place of creation for yourself.

Speaker 1:

And I don't know if that lady is still here that ask and again, I don't know if it's you, if I'm sorry if it was, if it were you earlier that says how do I become a life coach? One you have to go through. You have to go through this process of growth first, right. And if you already done that, then you know, look at Organizations online for you to learn and Get certified in life coaching, and there's a lot of certifying agencies out there online and you just take the course and whatever how many hours you have to take and all of the best, you know practices and in that field, and you have to have a passion to help other people.

Speaker 1:

But it first starts with you. Are you? Is your foundation solid? Are you, have you built your self identity strong in order to be, you know, a light for other people as well, to help them through the darkness, to help them get over some of those obstacles and challenges? Because I can tell you, working with people, you got to have solid boundaries, you got to be strong on yourself and you just, there's a lot of stuff that comes up and you, you.

Speaker 1:

But again, like anything else, when are you ready? When should I do it? You just do it again. You apply yourself in real time, and the only way that you're going to get good and better at it is by continuing to do it over and over and over again Until you have reached a level of mastery in whatever area of life. You want to reach the mastery level. This is a you lifetime. So going back to the life coach is the same thing you apply yourself, work with people, teach, share, and it's going to take over time.

Speaker 1:

Now let's just say again someone says how do you find your purpose? You have to start somewhere. So let's just say you followed the path of being a coach and you did it. You're like oh, this is not exactly what I intended, really expected. But see, here's the thing you will never know how to pivot if you're not doing it. And so where you start may not necessarily be where you're going to end, but where you start is going to lead you to the next path or the next sort of fork on the road. So let's say you get certified as a life coach in two years into it You're like, oh my gosh, I really don't like this at all.

Speaker 1:

It's a lot, it's hard work, I don't have enough clients or I, you know, whatever it may be the challenges, and you're like but along this way, as you're going through this experience, you go. I really don't like the life coaching aspect of it, but I really like this. I like teaching. So coaching and teaching are two different things. So you can say well, I actually like to teach, maybe I'm going to create a, an online workshop, maybe I'm going to write a book. You see, it gets you some sometimes. That's why I said don't be afraid to make mistakes, and even that is not a mistake. That's actually good information for you. But again, you won't know until you get there right, those fork on the road moments and then you pivot. This is the same thing in business. I've done business over and over again. I'm a business woman. I've been in business for over 27 years, especially starting my own business back in 2006. I made a lot of fine like mistakes that have cost me a lot of money, but also those expensive mistakes have taught me how to overcome them and have overcome and still continue to have a profitable company and never be afraid to do something that you know you're unfamiliar with. That's why increase your competency in the area by learning, doing and applying yourself in real time.

Speaker 1:

Purpose you know what it is really is you experiencing your yourself and putting yourself in those experiences. That's really your purpose. But the the your purpose your site is on a goal, right? So, for example, a writer, you're going to be a writer, right? It's like my purpose is to be a writer. But in reality, if you strip this back, let me just make this make sense to you and let me know if it doesn't make sense. Your purpose is really for you to experience yourself and these experiences that you put yourself through and then whatever comes out at the end is only the fruit, because you are the purpose. If this makes sense, you are the purpose. It's a you lifetime.

Speaker 1:

The purpose is you going back to self and awakening to self in order to experience yourself. So that is really the true purpose of your soul. But in this process of applying yourself, you're going to be able to experience yourself. But in this process of applying yourself in this material plane, you have to apply yourself in a tangible way. Right, like to be a writer to impact other people. Does that make sense? So a lot of us look for the outside purpose and I'm just going to kind of put the mirror back onto you and say you are the purpose. The purpose is you finding self, loving self, building self, getting strong in self. That is your soul's purpose. And then the application is the purpose to serve other people.

Speaker 1:

I'm a life coach and a numerologist for women. I only work with women. There are other accounts online that has a niche and work with men. I say go there. So that's what you've been doing putting my purpose to others.

Speaker 1:

Again, there's two parts to purpose Purpose first, self Purpose self is first. Your purpose is to have a strong, solid foundation of you. And then this happens in parallel. This is not separate. I'm just giving you a distinction between the two. This happens in parallel, but I want you to. I'm taking you guys like another notch, another level of awareness, to accomise yourself from the state of fear, low vibration and chance view and accomise your energy to a place of creation. So, in parallel, your purpose as a soul is you finding self, experiencing self, knowing yourself along the way. When you put yourself in those experiences, that's how you get to know yourself and then again. But in this process, the outwardly result is being of service to others.

Speaker 1:

For me, I'm a life coach, I'm a speaker, I'm a teacher, I'm an entrepreneur. I've been doing this now for a while and I've dedicated myself and committed myself. I've committed myself to myself. I've had to turn my conditioning upside down and shake it up. Actually, I was put in a box. I ripped up the box. I'm like fuck this shit. No one puts me in a fucking box. Like it just hurts when people or the world tells you you can't be who. You know who you are. Right, right, elaine, a lot of us have been put in boxes and it's only you have the ability to say okay, I'm going to step out of this box, or no, you know what? I've learned enough and now I want to pave my own path so I can find fulfillment in myself. All right, guys. Well, I am going to hop off. I've been here for about an hour and 15 minutes.

Speaker 1:

Remember, you're no longer the black sheep. You're not. You're not the black sheep. The world has just told us that we're black sheep when in reality, we are shining stars. We are the beautiful stars that light up this galaxy. You have to find that light Right here. Elaine, you too, you too have an amazing weekend, so think about that. You're not a black sheep. You matter. You light up this world. Your energy is needed in this world to do, to create, to be happy, to be joyful, get yourself unstuck. And all my ladies who participated and took space along with me, thank you, thank you. You need to, like also take up space for yourself in an honoring way, and not dimming your light and not skirting away, embodying yourself and say fuck you, I'm a badass, baddie, baddie, baddie, badass, whatever that, I wasn't going to say another word, but I'm stopping myself. All right, love you all, take care. And to my new friends who found me on here, I hope you continue to follow me and until next time, love you all, bye.