Mindset Check with Katanya Nova

The Alchemy of Emotional Intelligence in Professional and Personal Realms

February 20, 2024 Katanya Nova Season 3 Episode 1
Mindset Check with Katanya Nova
The Alchemy of Emotional Intelligence in Professional and Personal Realms
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Discover the art of navigating life's emotional ebbs and flows with wisdom from a veteran of the heart and mind. Over my 27-year career, I've honed a 'mindset check' model that's nothing short of emotional intelligence alchemy, transforming the lead of our gut reactions into the gold of thoughtful responses. 

Have you ever encountered a verbal tangle, wondering how it all went south? I'll share how emotional intelligence and leadership training aren't just corporate buzzwords but vital lifelines for thriving in both boardrooms and living rooms. In this episode, I pull back the curtain on this personal mastery, inviting you to master your impulses and craft communication that resonates with clarity and compassion. We'll traverse common workplace challenges, like managing a heated exchange with your boss, and unveil how a moment of reflection can turn conflict into collaboration.

To cap off our exploration, we'll confront the specters of imposter syndrome, set boundaries against disrespect, and stand tall in our authentic selves. So, if you're ready to chart a course toward emotional intelligence mastery and communication finesse, tune in, and let's embark on this journey together.

To learn more about how you can work with Katanya, go to www.katanyanova.com.

Speaker 1:

Let me give you guys my background, especially for the new folks who are here and for the folks who are returning. This is not your first time seeing me. Hello, thanks for tuning in, live with me. But let me give you a quick introduction. I specialize in emotional intelligence because I truly believe now is the right time to really get this skill developed. I believe it's a missing or a skill that not a lot of people have high competency in and, quite honestly, a lot of people kind of use that loosely like, oh, emotional intelligence, but what does it really mean? So for me, I've been doing this work now, for I've been in the professional space for over 27 years. I'm going to be 46 in March, march 24. Thank you, angeline, thank you, and I've been working with people that in leadership roles since, you know, my early 20s. Why is emotional intelligence important? And what you're going to learn from me here during my life is my mindset check model, mindset check what's really going on, and I share and teach my audience here how to self manage and self regulate. I want to make sure, when you guys are on here with me, live, that you get something that you can apply immediately and start making a difference like as soon as you apply it in your life. Yeah, so, march 24, 1978, proud of it and mindset check once again, the heart of it is emotional intelligence and one of the components of emotional intelligence is self management, impulse control, self regulation. Mindset check it's when you get triggered. I'm going to teach you this model really quick, quick rundown on the model.

Speaker 1:

You get triggered or you deal with a situation where you feel like you're going to have a knee jerk reaction. Just say to yourself mindset check what's really going on. Check in with your mind, your mindset. Where are you at? Is your head on straight? Make sure to stop, observe, listen and then also check in with your heart. How's my heart space? How am I feeling? Check in with your body and responding in a way that's going to be helpful to the situation versus being hurtful.

Speaker 1:

And for most people, especially when they're new to this concept of self management, the best way to go about it is taking a break. Taking a break. So, for example, you get triggered, somebody, let's say you're at work, your boss says something to you, you're put on the spot. You feel uncomfortable, you don't know what to say. You take an inventory and say, okay, wait a minute. My mind is thinking about the worst case scenario. Right now. I'm feeling threatened because my boss is putting me on the spot again. Very general example I'm sharing with you. But you're in taking the information your boss is telling you.

Speaker 1:

So the best way to go about managing this using the mindset check model is like hey, you know what I heard what you said. This is what you said. I'm going to need some time. Can I get back to you? Can I get back to you tomorrow? When can I get back to you? I need to make sure that I think about this thoroughly. Sounds like this is important. I may need to check in with you again if I do have a question, but I'm going to need some time for me to process, to come up with something and then to give you my feedback. Again, high level, very generic example I'm sharing with you. You can apply this very same concept in your personal relationship as well.

Speaker 1:

But anyway, when you get this time out, you know, usually when you're at a heightened state, you start to go through all the emotions, right? Oh my gosh, my boss put me on the spot. Really pissed off, I'm really frustrated. I hate this right. Whatever comes up like purge it out. If you need to also write it out, write it out, but get yourself at a regulated state afterwards. So it's good to go for a walk, to maybe take a break, meditate, do breathing exercises, take your mind off of it, and then, when you're ready, always I have a notebook next to me, regardless. It's great to you know, jot down your thoughts. You can say you know what was being asked of me. My boss is asking this of me, how you know, and most of the time people get triggered on the approach of the person right, and so one of the things that I teach, actually in my mindset and emotional intelligence mastery program, is different communication styles with different people and how you can learn how to communicate when there's tension. And so during this program, I do break it down so it's easy for you to identify and know exactly the tools that you're going to use based on what you know that I teach you and then communicate effectively. So I'm sort of breaking this process down for you. So once you purge it out on a piece of paper, this is what it is, this is what I can do. I need to clarify some more, and then you then reach out to your boss when you're ready and say hey, you know what? Here's my feedback. This is what you said you needed. This is what I can do. This is when I can get back to you, anything else that I miss anything. What are your thoughts? See, all engagement, all engagement. It requires communication.

Speaker 1:

Whenever there is miscommunication, lack of information, no information or no communication. Did I say that twice? Hold on. Miscommunication, lack of information oh, scratch it. Rewind over communication, over communication is when people are saying the same things over and over and over again and people are not hearing each other because they're concerned about their own needs that are not being met. Hi guys, I'm in the middle of a thought, so I'm going to ask you guys to park your questions for a moment. Second is lack of information. Sometimes, when there's lack of information, people just sort of leave it as is and don't ask more questions to gain understanding. So what happens when there's not enough information? Vague information.

Speaker 1:

This is also when miscommunication can happen. People start to fill in the gaps, they start to create a story that may be distorted or may not necessarily be the right. You know what the other person was trying to convey. So this is the failure of miscommunication, which is really you know the way that I go about this is just like help, you know, explain some more. I want to seek to understand what is your goal. So dialogue is so important, and again, this applies in your work. Your personal relationship requires communication.

Speaker 1:

But not a lot of people are comfortable with communication because they perceive communication as conflict, when in reality conflict comes from over communication, because no one is hearing each other. Miscommunication creates distorted perceived you know stories. And then let's say, over communication, yeah, why am I blanking out, over communication, over communication, miscommunication, lack of information. So miscommunication and lack of information, sort of kind of cross right, and again it's just gaining to understand like, hey, give me some more information. When you said this, can you please explain this to me? How do you mean Right, how do you mean? And then the other one that a lot of people are so comfortable in and wonder why they have a relationship breakdown, is ghosting, avoidance, no communication. So this is really, yes, it's emotional intelligence, it's knowing different communication styles, knowing how to respond whenever there's tension, knowing what your natural behavioral styles and communication styles and the things that trigger you.

Speaker 1:

A lot of people don't know this and everyone is just going by the seat of their pants, and this is where I come in as a life coach. So I do have a program. Again, if you do wanna work with me, if you wanna find out about my programs, go to katanianovacom. Click on either the program the mastery program or the coaching. You do fill out that form. You get a little link for you to book a session with me and then we have a conversation. Okay, all right, thank you guys. And, by the way, I'm a professional. I get this often. I'm very grateful for the fellas that give me kind compliments, but just know I'm not here for that. Okay, I'm not here for that, let's see. So someone asked Sarah, sarah B, are you still here?

Speaker 1:

What is an example of overcommunication? Overcommunication, usually this happens with couples. This even happens with hi, sarah B. This even happens in sibling dynamics or family members. Overcommunication sometimes. What happens? Because there's different communication styles and preferences based on the person's personality. Let's just use I'm gonna use that description personality. Some people are saying they have the same goal.

Speaker 1:

So there's two things with overcommunication. Usually, when two people are in conflict, they're wanting the same things or they have a need that hasn't been met for a long time and there's conflict, right? For example, what can I think in my experience archive? Oh, you never do the dishes. And I'm just gonna keep this very general you never do the dishes. You know you don't care about me, I'm tired. I come home and then the dishes are piled up and then another person resents the other person and says well, you don't do this for me, you know, I do, I don't know, I do the lawn all the time and you don't pick up after yourself. And so there's a need from both sides that are not being met because they're so discontent with each other, they're not meeting each other's needs and all they're doing is talking over each other, complaining about the same things over and over and over again, and nothing's getting resolved.

Speaker 1:

That's an example of people over communicating. No one's listening, no one is seeking to understand, no one is saying you know what? Let me back up. Let's back up really quick. What are some of the needs that are not being met? How can we come together and let me understand? Yeah, yeah, it's unnecessary extra communication, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And then there's the other aspect of it that causes conflict as well. It's when people have the same goals but they go about it in a different way, and people are expecting for that one goal to be done in the same manner that they prefer. And the other thing, too, is they're saying the same things but because of the differentiating communication style, it's not landing well. Right, it doesn't land well when they're just saying the same thing. And so, for example, I've been in IT for over 18 years now. Okay, so, in my 20s, I was in banking for about nine years. When I was about 28 years old in 2006, I started an IT company. I had it for 15 years. I sold that company back in 2020. I still do consulting in the IT industry. I work with a lot of people and great example this happened. So I consult as a senior project manager for a multinational enterprise IT firm and this is a big, big, big name company and I'm actually really happy that I'm part of this project.

Speaker 1:

So the IBM Delivery Engineer was speaking one language and then the project manager for our end user, our client, was saying something similar but different, and they were clashing during the meeting. The IBM Delivery Engineer had a set of tasks that he knew and just explain this to you that he knew from a different plan. Now as project managers. I know her language and me, being in the IT industry for over 18 years, also very technical had a company. I also heard what he was saying, but they started budding heads.

Speaker 1:

She was asking for a specific item that was a super subcategory or sub task of a big plan that he has, and he refused to allow her to basically add another task. So, for example, she said I need a migration plan, I need a migration plan and I need this migration plan because I need to run it by the leaders, for them to know what's going to happen, so we can minimize the risk. It's specific to project managers and getting approvals right. And he was saying well, you don't wanna set us back because we already have a migration plan. So there is a different kind of migration plan, but she's asking for a specific migration plan.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I had to intervene. I had to say, hey, wait a minute, stop. I hear what you're saying, I hear what you're saying, I know where you're going, but we need to address what they're asking for because this is really important for her to take to her leaders, or an approval. I was the mediator. Right, I'm the mediator. Of course I heard it, but if I was not there to mediate, to listen, it would have been bad. The client would have not had a good experience, even though she's a project manager and this delivery engineer has been working with this big company big company for the last 13 years.

Speaker 1:

So sometimes it's those subtle things that people are communicating different languages and it's sort of like miss which costs this conflict, right, and this is me working on this project and this is me working in the space and with people for over 27 years, so I have an ear for it and this is what I teach folks, right. So this is what happens with different styles of communication. There's also people who are very direct, very direct, and thank you, Claudio. And there are people who are indirect. You put people on the spot. Some people will shut down. Again. There is tension. How do you resolve that tension? How do you get around that? This is something I teach people.

Speaker 1:

So, anyway, let me reel myself back, because I just went down a tangent about emotional intelligence, about the mindset check model. Mindset check what's really going on? My job sounds confusing. My job, I've been doing it for a while. Sometimes it can get pretty intense and sometimes I, you know, yeah, it's fun. It's fun in some way because I'm still working in technology. But if anything else and I used to say this when I used to run my IT company, when I had it we are in technology, but regardless of what kind of hardware, what kind of software, what kind of solution, we're delivering to our customer. We're working with people and that's important.

Speaker 1:

But did he amend it in the end? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it wasn't amended. It was like so we have a project plan. The project plan has specific phases and different tasks. This was just really easy. It's basically a decision in the notes, right, we just like all right, here's a migration plan being asked. Wasn't even on our end. It was an internal ask. This is when it's due. Boom, there it is. It's just for accountability. So I know I kind of maybe that conversation went above people's heads, but anyway, this is what I do, this is what I teach folks.

Speaker 1:

As far as being a life coach, again, I've worked with people. I've been in leadership since my early 20s and if you guys want to find out about my professional background, that's also in the link that's in my bio or go to LinkedIn and just search Katanya, nova, all right. So this is where communication usually. This is where the breakdown is in relationships, and this is actually something that I'm shaping into a training for people or a program for people, especially the Gen Zs not that Gen Zs, the Gen X, maybe even millennials and older 10, 15 years ago, yes, there was such a thing as emotional intelligence, and it's usually leadership training and executive leadership management training. That usually is reserved for people who work in large companies and corporate. However, a vast majority of people don't get exposed to higher level communication, emotional intelligence training, leadership training and this is where I think there's a breakdown because of lack of information and training and how to do this at home.

Speaker 1:

Executive leadership programs you could. You could certainly you know. Okay, so really quick, I'm now in Asia. I'm not gonna be taking any more executive leadership type or executive type programs, but since 2006, I usually go back every two years to a university and take some type of business program, and I think my last program that I went through was actually through a private equity fund, equity firm and I had a scholarship. It was along with this fund, with USD, and it was for companies who were generating about one to $5 million in revenue, and it because my goal then before I sold my company. The reason why I sold my company was because I divorced and it was part of, like, the separation of properties. But originally I was looking to grow the company so I can sell the company 5x, and so I was in this program.

Speaker 1:

So I'm really, you know, very competent in business operations, finance, technology, innovation, but really, like I said, I work with people. I love working with people. Thank you, flores. So this is the background that I bring, not only from a human interaction standpoint communication, negotiations but I can translate the information that I've learned in the business world over the last 27 plus years and translate it into relationship success. But really, most importantly is you've got to start with you. You've got to have a good relationship with yourself. Thank you for the love tabs, thanks for the love. Thank you for the love tabs, thanks for the electronic gifts. And again, if you do want to find out how to work with me, go to katanenovacom, fill in the little form that's there and book a session and we'll chat. Suki, okay.

Speaker 1:

Perspective on death oh, we got three, so, okay, all right. Perspective on death we never die. Our consciousness never die. This is not our only lifetime. Will it be our last lifetime? And so, with that being said, I'm gonna post a question why are people so concerned about death when they haven't even began to live life to the fullest?

Speaker 1:

Let's just say, you ascend up to the next dimension, beyond Earth, and then you're sitting down around with your counsel and they said Suki, what have you done with your life? And then you look back, you know, all the memories flash in front of you. You're like what I didn't live my life? Like how come I didn't? Because our soul comes into your vessel, your body, and this lifetime is for you to have your soul, growth and development, and you're supposed to overcome that. But here's the thing a lot of people get stuck and, yes, it's sort of like this web that you have to get yourself untangled from. But all of the worries, right? So let's say you're sitting in front of the counsel, you're feeling great, you're light, you're in this beautiful space where it's bright, there's this amazing energy of love and peace, and you're standing there and you're like, oh my gosh, whatever the regrets, right, whatever the regrets.

Speaker 1:

But yet people sort of stop right here because all they're focusing on is death. I'm going to die anyway, or we're all going to go to the same place? Well, if that is the case, then why? How can we make this lifetime the best one? Yet Different perspective shift, you know.

Speaker 1:

Maybe I should do the thing that I've always wanted to do. Maybe I want to go learn another language. Maybe I want to go travel. Maybe I want to take on this hobby. Maybe I want to go learn to play the guitar. Maybe I'm going to go fishing more. Maybe I'm going to go camping, whatever that thing that you've been holding off, not doing, or procrastinating. It's sort of like yeah, let's do it. Right?

Speaker 1:

So my perspective on death is how about focus on living? What is your perspective on living? Focus on life, focus on creating, focus on living, because it's not going to matter when you're dead, it's not going to matter. Not going to matter what Susie said. Suki, you can't do it, you're not good enough. It's not going to matter when you ascend above this plane. So why should it matter now? Right? Okay, that's my thought on that. So wait, weenie, I work so hard until now, so can't achieve my goal. Why? Okay, this is great to work with someone like myself. I'm going to do my best to give you my three minute version of this.

Speaker 1:

It's a mindset shift. You don't have to work so hard, but because you've been conditioned to work so hard, you don't know how to undo that. It requires a different way of thinking and operating in order for you to pull back, because you're on a hamster wheel and it feels like you're on a hamster wheel and, by the way, we all have equal opportunity to a 24 hour day. There's a lot of time, but how come you don't have time to achieve your goals? It's about prioritization. It's about undoing and learning. You're most likely operating from stress and, again, it's conditioning. I have to work hard, and this is something I've also had to overcome about a decade ago. And maybe you need to start to reframe and say life is easy, my work is, what I have done right now is just enough, I'm good with it, see if you can apply that and really like back it up too.

Speaker 1:

Then ask yourself why do you need to work so hard? Who said you need to work so hard? Here's one of the things one of my business coaches taught me. Again, me being a business owner, I used to be up till three or four o'clock in the morning still doing work, only getting two hours sleep. This was like in my 30s. My business coach told me well, one, it's not good for my health. I had two young girls at that time. By the way, I have two daughters. One is 27. One will be 21.

Speaker 1:

Three days after me, in March, and he said to me are you going to make any more money, working till three or four am in the morning and a light bulb, just like hit and light? That's my time for me. Again, I don't know what your situation is. Again, if you want to work with me as a life coach, we can dive into that. I can help you get unstuck and really get you back in the right frame of operating so you don't feel like you're working so hard and you're you know you can actually be yourself up to achieve your goals. All right, so I'm going to get caught up. I'm going to get caught up. I look, am scrolling through everyone's comments, questions. Yeah, let's see. And sorry, guys, if I'm skipping through some of your comments, I'm just trying to get caught up.

Speaker 1:

Southern Ark Angel says am I ready for the alien invasion coming? Guess what? They haven't left. There's no invasion. They've been around. They've been in existence, hidden in plain sight. It's nothing new under the sun. Southern Ark Angel. You can even take a look at Renaissance paintings and their spaceships painted by artists way back in the day before cameras were even created.

Speaker 1:

You know, true story. I saw a UFO when I was 1990 in San Francisco. It was around Stone Stonewall in San Francisco. That's where I moved to from the Philippines. I was the bus stop. It was this black thing suspended up in the air and I couldn't believe that no one else was making a big deal out of it and it's sort of like no one saw it, like people didn't see it, but it was like right there and for me I'm like maybe I'm going crazy, what is that? And it disappeared. Everything is in plain sight, hidden in plain sight.

Speaker 1:

Don't let the fear-mongering media and don't let the fear-mongering powers above the media rattle you and that takes power and consumes your mind Again. Focus on living, or I mean you can lose your focus and go down the fear part of oh my gosh, we're going to get invaded by aliens and, by the way, I can be wrong. I can be wrong too. Heck, then, if we're invaded, then guess what? We knew that they'd been around for a long time and it was a matter of time that they were going to get to us. Then what, right? Then what, okay? It's sort of like would be sort of ignorant of us to think that we're the only living being in this universe, like you know. So it's like, okay, let's not, let's not get afraid.

Speaker 1:

But if you do entertain, let's just say you do entertain the fear and thank you. Thank you guys, appreciate that. If you do entertain the fear, how about? If you just like, get paranoid and start to, you know, the preppers, you start to dig a hole under your house and then, I don't know, you're probably going to create a weapon of you know, to destroy the aliens.

Speaker 1:

But what aliens, Right? All you have to look at are the politicians. There's some hybrids there. You don't have to look far. They've been around for for as long as we've been around. Now. As far as more sightings, I think the veil is lifted. There's certain things that kind of coming back up. You know, at one point, if you really think about it, even beyond the book, beyond the Bible, there have been a lot of texts and books that talks about fairies and gnomes and giants and unicorns and dragons. And you know, they're still around. They've just been for us. We've just. There's just this veil, just a thought. You don't have to believe a word I say. They've been around for a long time. We're aliens. How many of you guys are resident aliens? I'm a resident alien here in China. I'm an alien. You don't have to go. You don't have to go far, like the ocean hasn't even been all like 100% explored.

Speaker 1:

What are my thoughts on imposter syndrome and how do you deal with anxiety, nina Rose? This is a very common question and fear for a lot of people, and here's what I share with folks. Okay, here's what I share with folks. Really quick, how old are you, nina Rose? And thank you, jay. How are you? How old are you? 46. Okay, how many jobs have you had? How many jobs? How many success? I mean, how many times have you been successfully hired? Thank you, luca. Nina Rose, how many times have you been successfully hired?

Speaker 1:

So why is the imposter syndrome coming in, especially if you've been with the same company for 23 years? I want to understand the context. Where is the fear coming in from? Where is the stemming from? And, david, guess what? I've shared this before. About 60% of my audience are guys, and if it means that you guys are going to get honey potted. Honey potted because of how I look, so you can learn about emotional intelligence, so you can learn about communication, so you can learn how to be a decent human being and treat people around you well, then, heck, yes, be here. And if you need to look at this pretty face so you can level up, then be here for free. By the way on me, why you're entertained, why your eyes are consuming this eye candy, yep, good. Please have some respect for me. So, with that being said, nina Rose, hey, where is the fear coming in?

Speaker 1:

So, normally, when someone starts to feel imposter syndrome, I'm only going to read between the lines. Maybe you got promoted, maybe you were given more responsibilities, and now you're like, oh my gosh, I'm going to get found out. How about if I don't do well? How about if I don't fulfill the role? How about if I get embarrassed? How about if I get found out?

Speaker 1:

Here's the thing. It's a psychological issue and this is why I ask how many times have you been hired successfully? In your case, it sounds like you're successful. You've been with the same company for the last 23 years and, by the way, that's kind of rare now these days, and for you to have that tenure within that company means that you are a wonderful contributor to your company's success. So when the fear sets in, you sort of forget where you've been. You forget your track record. You don't celebrate all of the wins. You're like you forget All the hard work that you've done for the last 23 years because maybe you were given a new role, maybe you were given more responsibilities.

Speaker 1:

Then you just go. Okay, I'm in a new role, this is what I know, this is where it's got me so far. What else do I need to know in order for me to fill in the remaining area that I need to be competent in in my new role? What is that? So you just ask okay, what do I need to learn? What is new for me to learn? You've done it, and so this is where I think you need to. The mind can trick you, the mind can trick you. And so when imposter syndrome comes in yeah, that's what I'm trying to figure out. If I'm doing well, yes, just got promoted, yeah, oh, you have to go. Okay. Well, gosh, congratulations, nina Rose, congratulations, congratulations. That's to be celebrated. But yet the fears that's in. But you go? No, I earned my seat, dang it, I earned my seat. I know what I'm doing. This is why I got promoted.

Speaker 1:

Then all you need to make sure is communicate. So communicate with your leaders, right? You say, okay, it's gonna take me. Happy to be on in this role. These are some extra responsibilities. I'm gonna need some guidance. I'm competent in these areas. These are some areas I'm new in.

Speaker 1:

This has not been exposed to this. Who's gonna help me? Who's gonna help me? Ask for help. Can I shadow? Can you shadow me? Ask communication? Remember, it's all about communication. You're a leader, so you have to lead yourself. If you don't know, you're not just gonna sit there and be like, well, I guess I'm gonna find out, you can find out. It's gonna take you 10 times longer versus you go, this is what I don't know. I'm gonna ask hey, I don't know this. Do you have like 30 minutes where we can be on a call and answer my questions? Okay, so get curious. You're very welcome. You got this, you got this and, believe me, this is common.

Speaker 1:

Your mind plays tricks on you and I, you know, when I used to before COVID, before COVID-19, I worked with two universities in San Diego Health State University, san Marcos and UCSD. I was part of their MBA entrepreneurship like department where they sent MBA students for me to mentor, and this came up often. And these are, you know, men and women in their 30s who are completing their MBA in, like you know really, really smart stuff More in technology, business and entrepreneurship. The mind plays tricks on you. You forget, people forget how smart they are. Yeah, jay says, and sometimes your leadership isn't know and they need to find out. Just keep doing your best. Yeah, and I think that's one of the questions If your direct leadership doesn't know, who do you know in our company who I can shadow? Who can you know who can spend some time with me for the next six weeks while I get ramped up? And these are again, know what to say. And I share this with you because this is 27 years of experience working in different sectors, working with variety of people from all industries.

Speaker 1:

People forget how smart you are, and so people you know, even people who are just graduating college. I'm not good enough and I'm like, okay, let's go back, let's take a full inventory of all of the achievements that you've done, going back to kindergarten your first drawing, your first project, your first A, whatever it is that you were so proud of, but see, people forget and underestimate their capabilities because they don't think it's significant. And this is sort of where the older generation has really stunted people's confidence. Because what was the condition? What was the training? The training was don't boast, thank you guys. Don't boast. Oh, don't tell people you're showing off. And so you have that programming.

Speaker 1:

When you have something good, you don't celebrate, you go, oh, it's nothing, it's nothing. And then you reduce yourself down. Then you don't trust yourself because you forget to celebrate. Because that was the old conditioning Don't show off, don't be too proud, oh, you're bigheaded. You have to get over that conditioning. You need to start now celebrating all of those wins and say, actually, you know what, like, I've done a pretty good job for myself, I've, there's nothing to fear, you're in a, you are where you're at because of all of your efforts, thank you guys. And normally when fear sets in, it's something you're unfamiliar Get curious, get curious, ask questions, thank you guys. Yeah, I mean, if you don't want to be like and again, we're all different personalities, we all have different temperaments, we all have different ways and modes of operating. For me, I love to celebrate Like. I love to celebrate all my wins, because it's sort of like, yeah, you got to play to your strengths, you got to play to your strengths. But a lot of people focus on their weaknesses. People focus on the things that don't matter, that don't propel them, it holds people back. Thank you, guys.

Speaker 1:

Frank Vellum, I'm a coach. I make money through my consulting services. There's nothing to hide here. And if you're going to come here and basically insult me and insult me, what does it say about you? I have nothing to hide. I have consulting fees. This is why I'm successful. This is why people pay to work with me, absolutely. They pay to invest in themselves.

Speaker 1:

And you're trying to insult me. She's stealing your heart than your pocketbook. See, here's the thing, frank. People who have the means gladly pay for my fees. I don't need to steal anyone's pocketbooks and, by the way, that is an insult.

Speaker 1:

And here's sort of the thing, guys, public forum here. This is distorted way of thinking. This is someone who wants to degrade someone's value. It's your relationship with your money. It's your relationship with your pocketbook, frank. No one else. No one else. I don't appreciate it. You're backpedaling. No, own that shit If you're going to talk shit to me. Own that shit. Don't say you love me now. Hell, no, I don't want to work with you. Here's how this works. I don't want to work with you. I don't need your pocketbook period. You can exit or I'll block you.

Speaker 1:

I don't need to be nice to you if you're going to come here and insult me. All I'm saying I don't need to be nice to anyone, especially if you're going to come here and insult me. I don't need to be nice to you. All right, is that about me? I poke right back. Let's see. That's not what I'm here for and, by the way, I share this publicly because there are so many bullies out there. You're going to experience some life and a lot of people who I work with are people pleasers. I'm a recovering people pleaser myself and it's not okay for people to get in your face and disrespect you and think it's okay. Ha ha, it's a joke. I love you. No, you don't Cut that shit out. I don't need to be nice to people who are not nice. And I again, I share this with you guys because I want to empower you to do not tolerate people like this ever in your life Passive, aggressive, poking at you, trying to like, you know, one up, you trying to see yeah, you are going to get a rise out of me and guess what?

Speaker 1:

You better be able to handle heat because we encounter people in life, especially when okay, I actually heard this, I heard this here on TikTok you know, when your light shines brightly, right, you're going to attract bugs and mosquitoes and this is the light you guys are gonna get burned. You know those like mosquito lights. So you're going to attract people like that in your life, especially when you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. In life, there's going to be haters, there's going to be people who's going to try to poke holes at you to see where your weaknesses are and to see if, how much, they can mistreat you. So this guy who I muted, frank, he's pushing my buttons to see how much he can mistreat me.

Speaker 1:

Hell, fucking, no, no, yeah, I'm putting myself out there. I'm even risking myself with my reputation, but my reputation is don't allow people to try to poke holes at you to see how much they can mistreat you. And the blame game or the backpedal I actually love you, I like you. How much is your fee? I'm like, nah, nah, dude, if you're going to mistreat me, don't try to underhand. Look, I was just joking. How many people have you had and experienced in your life that does that to you, insult you and say, haha, no, I was just kidding. No, they're not kidding. They're not kidding.

Speaker 1:

These people are people who want to see how far they can go so they can mistreat you. And I'm putting myself out there so you guys know, when you recognize this shit, you better nip it in the butt. You better say, oh, hell, no, no, you don't do that shit. Who the hell do you think you are? And they're going to say you should be nice, no, nice to who, like you, don't pay my bills. I don't even know you for you to tell me to be nice and you're going to come here and disrespect me. That's a no. Just Freddie, thailand. I have three other channels. I don't tolerate people being rude. I block yeah. So really, I don't go on here to try to be to battle with people, but I'm tired of people trying to see how far they can poke to mistreat someone unnecessarily Because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 1:

Remember, I've shared the analogy of the light. When you are a bright light, people are going to be attracted to you. But it was beautifully said by someone who I saw here on TikTok. That says you know, when you're a bright light, you're also going to attract freaking mosquitoes, bugs, insects. How am I enjoying my life? Oh man, life is an adventure for me. That's a loaded question. Ole, thank you for the thank you for the flowers, but yeah, I am sick and tired of people poking because they think this is a nice face, it's a pretty face, it's an innocent face, and they think, oh, I'm going to see how we can. Oh, she's a female. What? Let me see how I can Try me. Let's see here. Thank you, yossi.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love Brad and, by the way, I'm an Aries. So this is the regular fire of an Aries and people say you're angry. I'm like no, I communicate passionately. But for the people who are not used to such passion and communication and are a little bit more on the sensitive side and there's nothing wrong with being sensitive I only get fired up like this with disrespectful people, because I don't tolerate disrespectful people. I've had enough crap from people Most of my life.

Speaker 1:

I'm a recovering people pleaser and, like I said, I work with people who are also recovering people pleasers, and this is what I help people, you know, as a life coach, sharing with people what their behavioral traits are, how to best communicate, how to earn or increase your competency in emotional intelligence, and what does that look like for you? Because such a big word? I've been doing this now for 27 plus years, but really more focused, you know, since I want to say like the last five years and the personal development space, and then being a life coach, like over the last two years now, the general public it's. I think it's much needed. It's much needed.

Speaker 1:

And you know people who come on here with lack of consideration for others, especially strangers. I know sometimes it does bother me, but I don't want people to like I said I don't. I don't like it when people poke at me and see how much they can get away to mistreat me, but they have no empathy, lack of consideration for others, low emotional intelligence. They haven't leveled up beyond elementary school. They haven't resolved their traumas of whoever bullied them in their lives. So they become the bully.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but see here's, you know again, we all come from different walks of life. Right, we do come from different walks of life, but there's, you know one thing for sure Either it's you you are the person who inflicts hardship on another person, or you're the one who's the receiver. There's a dynamic that there's a dynamic in relationships, but normally people that show up like this. This is a symptom of there's no level up, there's no consideration, there hasn't been thoughtful consideration of how their behaviors impact others. Low social recognition, low social management, low respect for self. So they are easy to disrespect other people because they haven't been respected, and the way that they feel like they need that, that control and power, is to also disrespect someone and mistreat someone because they gain power from that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and so what does that mean for you? How are you being considerate first of yourself? How are you being considerate first of your needs and your wants and desires? Who are you? Who do you stand for? What do you stand for? What kind of life do you want? Are you in alignment to what you really want to do? And if not, how come not? Are you stuck? You think there's nothing better than what you're experiencing? I'm going to challenge you. Have you looked up? Do you realize? There are billions of people that live on this planet that's not experiencing what you're experiencing. But see, here's what people do right. The rich gets richer. I knew it. Taylor Swift's evil. Taylor Swift and Kelsey or Travis they're rigged.

Speaker 1:

You see where the mindset of people go, or you can shift it this way. Maybe not. It may not be this couple. It could be like this is sort of my limited because of my limited scope of experience and possibly, be honest, possibly my limited scope, my limited scope of my network, I haven't gone beyond this, or maybe I've capped out. I haven't learned something new. The last time I learned something was like five years ago.

Speaker 1:

Again, I'm just giving you some examples. Feeling like you've hit a ceiling. Instead of projecting how angry or discontent you are and lashing out with the government oh, the UFOs are going to come I'm going to focus on death, because life is not worth living and Hollywood is corrupt. They are not disagreeing with that. But it's sort of like how about you shift the perspective and say there are billions of other people here who do I admire? Who do I admire? What are they doing right? What are some things I can start to focus on and see if I can have my version of what that is? I want to see how I can have that version of what that is. It's probably not going to be identical to them, but, gosh, I aspire to travel. Gosh, I aspire to, you know, write a book.

Speaker 1:

I aspire to do something great for my community, but certain people poke, poke, poke. It's easy to poke. She's a pretty face, but she's after your pockets Poke. What's that going to do for you? Judgment insult. You know Taylor Swift. I knew she was evil, remember? Okay, for the new folks, I created a video and I'm actually creating a different version of it. 20 to 30% of the people you're going to encounter in your life will not like you, regardless of what you do.

Speaker 1:

Taylor Swift has over like 700 million it's probably grown since followers online. I mean, it's probably. That was the last time I checked, that was like a quarter ago. She may already be nearing a billion followers, since all of this like media situation and her traveling globally doing her concerts.

Speaker 1:

Okay, imagine, now you are hearing and seeing that 30% of the people who despises her, who doesn't like her, right? Of course, I'm a fan of her, guess what? Because she's talented. She is one star, one unique soul on this planet that has been able to achieve the level that she's achieved and that's admirable To me. That's admirable because it takes a lot of courage. It's overcoming a lot of opposition.

Speaker 1:

Do you know her story? How the record companies were trying to, like, rob her of her artwork, of her songs, and what she's had to do to recl? I see the grit. I see, like, the external aspect of it. That's only so that the iceberg is this right, the iceberg analogy. The thing that people like to criticize and hate on is the 20%. You guys don't know what she's been through. I see this because I go through it. I know what it feels like. I know what it's like to be judged, ostracized, have people go against you, resist. I admire her for the things that I could just imagine she goes through, but yeah, she still comes above. So what does her fame have to do with you? Like, what does her soul have anything to do with you? So what? Why is her business your business? That's all I'm saying. I admire her. I admire her, the fact that she is doing her thing, because she is authentic to who she is, and that's what I'm all about as a coach.

Speaker 1:

If people are going to go against you, then dang it. You're doing something right. And if you're someone else who are like in the bleachers or in the nosebleed seats, who is not experiencing life exactly as the individual person experiencing it has so much to say, has so much judgment, has so much. I don't okay. If you don't like it, it's your preference. Okay.

Speaker 1:

If you don't like Taylor Swift because you think she sold her soul to the devil, then go focus on somebody else. What are you looking at? Life and people with Right and so what. So what? This has been around for for a very, very long time. You know and here's the thing to what I say to that is like, so what?

Speaker 1:

And my point to this is my point to this is if you, where you're at in your life, if you have aspirations to really experience yourself and live life, you know the life that you feel like. You know I'm living in purpose, I'm living in my purpose, I'm living fulfilled, and sometimes you need to get off track of track that you were prescribing. People are going to go against you and people are going to you know people are going to sort of like wait a minute, you're out of pattern. Right, you're out of pattern. That's not what we expected of you. But when the soul needs to connect with self and needs to go down their own track. That is that person's soul journey. That is that person's soul journey and the thing about it.

Speaker 1:

We can sit here and be like they did this, they did that, they didn't look, okay. So what? What are you doing with your life? Are you content with your life? Are you operating in love? Are you peaceful? I mean, these are better things for you to focus on, to overcome, but it's so easy to just say poke prod, because it's easier to deal with other people's flaws than actually looking at yourself and saying how can I live my best life? How can I live my best life? But again, the way that you view life, yes, it's according to your lenses, according to your environment, according to your sphere of influence, your what's around you, your proximity.

Speaker 1:

And I challenge you guys, get beyond your proximity. Maybe, instead of looking at your little town, maybe look up and say where else? Where else is there? And your proximity, what's closest to you and what's around you? It's going to be what's going to influence you. And if you feel stuck, then maybe take an inventory who's within your proximity, and then you can go. You know, maybe I want to go beyond my little town. You're not going to go beyond your little town if you stay in your little town. Right, and just some ideas and some suggestions. And if you do want to work with me I've seen a few people that says you want to work with me as a life coach katanenovacom, katanenovacom and you fill out the form and then you'll get a link to book a session with me and then you connect. So the lesson I guess today went through so many different directions and I am going to hop off Fand.

Speaker 1:

In your truth it's going to be uncomfortable. You guys are probably, you know, not at sort of my comfort level where I can stand in my truth, despite of who I rattle. Am I inconsiderate? I'm not inconsiderate because other people are inconsiderate of who I am. You see where I'm getting with this. I'm respectful to people, but when people try to come and impose their rule books and their values onto me without even knowing to see, am I even the right fit for your values? Like, hmm, that's no consideration of another person. I come here I say, ask me a question. But when my perspective or my way of speaking passionately makes someone uncomfortable and it violates their belief system, this is where you know conflict can happen. I'm going to continue to communicate. I'm going to continue to communicate and in a way, this is probably why I do so well in business, dealing with different personalities and hard personalities.

Speaker 1:

You got to be able to speak your truth, got to be able to say no, I see what you're saying, I see what you're saying, but my truth is this Am fuh doggonee. Yeah, people in boxes. So here's the other thing. I'm going to share this with you guys. Okay, and you're right, christian keyboard, right Keyboard, courage and thank you guys. So here's the thing.

Speaker 1:

I'm unconventional, I am not traditional. So when there's a contrast of value, the value system for a lot of people that has tension, tension, tension. Their value is traditional. My value is unconventional, I'm progressive. You see what's happening here with some people. They have a certain value and they're like no, this is where I stand and I'm like oh, I'm over here. Like I'm fine over here, I'm okay being here, but this is where the tension happens. It's like how come you won't listen to me? Like I hear you, I'm just not changing for you. That's what's really happening. Like, okay, I hear you, I see you, but I'm not changing for you. This is where tension happens. Right. Let's even talk about communication. There's tension.

Speaker 1:

Some people want me to be softer, more slower, more gentle, more not argumentative. I'm not I'm not being argumentative, by the way Passionate and thank you, right. But some people will say, why are you so angry? What I'm like? No, right. I mean, you guys are seeing this in real time, live, here on the live. So you guys know I'm completely unconventional, non-traditional at all.

Speaker 1:

People who have values that are traditional oh, it rubs them the wrong way. They're going to debate with me. They want me to see it their way. I see them. I'm just not going to change for them.

Speaker 1:

People who really like sometimes, what happens when people sort of get in your face adamant about you seeing their way? It's not about them adamant seeing your way. It's about them being adamant so you can change yourself for them. When people are adamant about speaking and trying to convince you of something they want you to do, what they're trying to do is they want you to change for them. They want you to give up you for them. This is the cost of friction, instead of just saying, oh, I see her point of view, or maybe not like, okay, I don't agree with her point of view. This is not my forum. I'm going to exit, thank you. Thank you, rob, hallelujah, alex, guess what I'm not forcing? Yeah, you're right, no one should be forced to an opinion.

Speaker 1:

Here's the thing. This is my account. I'm showing up here. Of course, I'm going to share with you guys my perspective. It's my perspective. You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to take what I say. You don't need to do anything with it.

Speaker 1:

I used to say this when I used to start my lives, way back, you know, maybe a year ago. I said hey, if you're going to stay here, be open. Not everything you're going to hear from me you're going to agree. You may be contradicting to your values, but guess what? For the things, if you're going to stay here, be open minded for the things that I'm going to share with you that may go against your values, toss it. I'm not trying to change you. I'm sharing my perspective.

Speaker 1:

If there's something I share that you're like I don't know what to do with this, put it in through your internal shredder. Don't lose sleep over it. If there's something like this is interesting, never heard this before, maybe put it on a shelf. Archive it for now, right, and so we're like, okay, I'm going to park that for a moment. Or you hear something from me and you're like, yeah, I can grasp this, grasp this, I can apply it to my life right now. That's all you have to do.

Speaker 1:

But see, people want to battle without that level of understanding. And I'm sharing this with you because even people in your life right People share their opinions with you. You don't have to agree. You can say, okay, I agree to disagree, thanks for sharing with me your perspective. Or you can say you know, I don't really have to be honest with you. I really don't know where you're coming from. It's foreign to me. It's foreign to me. What you're trying to make me get, I don't get it. But see what? Again, there's tension. The tension is we got some people with a certain set of values. They want me to give up my voice. That's how it feels like to me anyway.

Speaker 1:

Or the other lady I block them now Done Is. She wants to say yes, you're right, I'm going to agree with you now. Yes, taylor Swift is the spawn of the devil. She would be so happy if I said that. But I don't agree with that. She thinks if I idolize, I don't even idolize Taylor Swift. I admire her grit, I admire her work, I admire her ambition. But here's the thing, it's like no, she would be so happy if I said you're right, taylor Swift sold her soul to the devil. I mean it's that, by the way, it's benign information. It's benign information.

Speaker 1:

When I say it's benign, it's sort of like useless. I could have just said that, but I don't want to people, please. I could have just seriously said that, yeah, you're right, taylor Swift is the spawn of the devil. But see, even me saying that. It doesn't feel right to my heart when I said that. I felt it here, like no, that wasn't even authentic to say. I wouldn't even say that. But if I would have said that, she would have been happy. Same thing with the David guy who wanted to coach me and make me better. Like, no, I don't want to work with you. Yeah, no, alex, no, you're good, you're good. I get it Like, again, I'm open, right, I am open, but I'm going to also draw the line whenever I think the boundaries are, you know, and people are again sort of like don't ask me to give up something of myself to please you. Okay, don't. And here's the thing I'm going to say it to you Don't give up something of yourself that's not authentic to you. But again, it's up to you. If it's benign information and you're okay with saying it just to please somebody else, go for it. Go for it.

Speaker 1:

My life coach, my main goal is to get people to be fully aligned to their true self, to their true essence, so they can be confident. Live your life in alignment to you so you can walk into your purpose. That's what I'm about. I'm not religious and I see sort of people where they're at. I love a good challenge, though. Oh man, I don't. I really don't like to debate, but I like a good challenge.

Speaker 1:

Am I always right? I'm going to. I am going to. I'm going to admit.

Speaker 1:

No, I'm not always right. I know I'm not always right. I don't want to be right, I want to be authentic, right, jay? I'm like like I'm all revved up now I can probably record another 15 hours of content after this. Seriously, virus me up.

Speaker 1:

He's the thing. Like I know, share this too in relationships, and this was my practice when I was in my former 28 year relationship, 19 year marriage. They're like no, I don't even want to be right, I just want to be happy. Like I don't want to be right, I just want to be happy. Okay, when it's authentic and it's benign, when I say it doesn't bother me, doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, it doesn't feel like I'm not being in alignment and truthful to myself. I'm like okay, all right, you go with that. Then you go with that and live your best life. Yeah, I don't want to be right, I just want to be me, like. Here's the thing, it's your unique blueprint right Like, right to whom? Like I just want to be me.

Speaker 1:

And you write Christian Lara, it is subjective, it's based on the person's perspective. I don't want to be right. I don't want to be liked, I want to be me. I don't want to be right, I want to be me. I don't need you to like me, I just want to be me. I don't need your validation, I just want to be me. Yeah, no, I'm not perfect. I'm not perfect, I'm not perfect. I'm telling you I'm gonna piss you guys off. I don't have a problem pissing people off, I don't want to be perfect, I just want to be me. I don't want to people, please. I want to be me. I don't want to be wherever people are trying to put me in boxes. I have my own track, I'm good and I'm going to end this with this.

Speaker 1:

I want you guys to have the same confidence, to speak your truth. Speak your confidence based on your own temperament, based on your own natural style. Don't deviate away from what's authentic to you. So the best way to connect with yourself is like am I honoring myself? It's what I'm about to say and do, in complete alignment with my heart. It's an incomplete alignment with my soul and my gut. Am I being authentic to me or am I going to give up something of myself or someone else, and in what context? Use your own judgment. But with that being said, love you all. See you later. Enjoy Super Bowl Sunday.

Speaker 1:

Instead of finding the right person, becomes a person you can live with the rest of your life. Yup, I already found the person Speak 111. I found her. She's right here. I found the love of my life. You're very welcome. All right, if you want to work with me, dare to work with me. Dare to work with me. We're going to have fun together. We're going to go on the ride. Come on, let me take you on the ride, katanyanovacom. Thank you, guys, katanyanovacom. Fill out the form. You get an email. You get a link to my calendar. Look at the session with me. Look forward to connecting with you and see how I can help you. Take care all Bye. No-transcript.

Emotional Intelligence and Communication Mastery
Communication Styles and Conflict Resolution
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear
Dealing With Disrespect and Boundaries
Navigating Life's Challenges and Influences
Staying True to Yourself