Mindset Check with Katanya Nova

Creating Your Personal Security Protocol: Trust and Boundaries

October 07, 2023 Katanya Nova Season 2 Episode 10
Mindset Check with Katanya Nova
Creating Your Personal Security Protocol: Trust and Boundaries
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

How certain are you in making life choices that honor your true self? Unlock the keys to self-trust, identifying core values, and setting healthy boundaries in this transformative discussion. It's time to learn the value of standing firm in your beliefs, determining if people or situations align with what matters to you the most. We're going to illuminate why it's crucial to trust in yourself before giving your trust to others and how to create a personal "security protocol" that shields you from unnecessary disappointment.

Do you crave a simpler, happier life? We're going to share insights on how a simplified mindset can lead to a more fulfilled existence. We'll teach you how to shift your perspective from fear to love, creating more peace within your life. We'll also delve into strategies for communicating your boundaries effectively and understanding when it's time to walk away. Remember, context matters and adaptability is key in different situations. Get ready for an enlightening journey on making decisions that truly echo your values and lead a life in harmony with your authentic self. Don't miss this empowering conversation!

To learn more about how you can work with Katanya, go to www.katanyanova.com.

Speaker 1:

Question how about trusting a new person? So, trusting a new person, if anything else, everything that I share here goes back to self. First question is do you trust yourself and how do you know you trust yourself? What are some of your parameters or boundaries to have or you have as your checkpoints in order for you to know that you trust yourself, making good judgment and making good decisions? Start there how do I mean by this? A lot of people, including myself in the past, trust openly, so I'm going to trust this person until until when, until when they violate an expectation. And then, when you approach it in that way, you open yourself up to disappointment and obviously you create this scenario of having more misery and pain that you're going to have to overcome. So look at it like you have to have a security protocol, and again I'm using verbiage that people are going to get. Same thing, if you're going to go through the airport, especially in the US, right, you got to have a valid driver's license or a passport. You go through TSA, all of that before they clear you to get into gates. You got to think about it that way, too. What are some of those parameters that you're going to have for yourself and say here are my values. It goes back to values what are your values Really? Start there. So you're going to need to create your universal value for yourself and then you adjust based on the situation, meaning home, friends, work, whatever other groups you belong to and then that is going to be your guiding pose to gauge yourself am I in the right situation, am I with the right people, or do I need to go? Do that as your guiding pose Again, in general with people.

Speaker 1:

If you don't have those core values identified and you don't live by them, it's hard for you. Thank you. It's hard for you to really see if you're making the right decisions or not. A lot of people go into relationships blindly, oftentimes getting betrayed or hurt because sort of like, oh, I trust them, because I like them, until they violate you. And then you're like oh, how did it get to that point? Let's see here. Pash, you're very welcome For me. I'll share with you what my values are.

Speaker 1:

Number one is respect, respect. I respect myself. This is person showing me respect, and how are they respecting other people? Do they even have respect for themselves too? You have a way for you to check in and say is this person in alignment with me? Are they honest? You're honest and that's important to you.

Speaker 1:

And then you meet someone. You absolutely and I'm just going to use the dating scenario, because a lot of people blur their boundaries or disable them because you find someone you like, you're smitten, they're making you feel good, they're saying all the right things, they're good looking, and again I'm going to take it a little bit deeper. But unconsciously, what you're not realizing is maybe you're feeling desperate and again, this is not directly at anyone. You're feeling desperate. You need validation. It's been a while since you've been in the presence of someone that you're attracted to. Sometimes all of the boundaries and all of the core values just basically go out the window. And then you have honesty and respect and honesty are two things that are important to you. And I say, this person, all of a sudden, disrespects you. What do you do? All of a sudden, you see them lying to somebody while you're around them. What do you do? Do you let it slide or what do you do? Here's the thing.

Speaker 1:

Trusting is a you process. First, you have to trust yourself. Are you making the right decisions? In this simple scenario, you can say I'm gonna trust myself that after this, or I'm gonna wrap this up real soon because I need to go home, because obviously I am this person is not in alignment with who I am as a person, and so you're just gonna go. Oh my gosh, I'm so tired, I need to go home. I have to wake up at 4 am in the morning. I do. I'm gonna take an Uber home. Great, have a good life by boom right.

Speaker 1:

In that scenario, you made a decision and trusted yourself because you knew what your core values. You've already identified what things are important to you. Paul, been there, and I use that just as a general example. But see, unless you have that solid, it's going to be hard for you to make good judgment and good decisions for yourself and then misplace your trust. For me, that's how I do it, and these days I observe I don't give trust just because they've got to go through security clearance first.

Speaker 1:

Oh gosh, adulting is so hard. You know what. It doesn't have to be hard Mindset, check what's really going on. It's only hard because it's a new concept, like anything else, I'll say you never lifted weights before and then you hired a personal trainer. A lot of the things that the physical trainer is gonna put you through is going to be hard until you get used to it and start doing it and over time your body is used to it. So there is not a lot of pain experience doing some of the exercises or the things that your personal trainer will put you through. But it's your security protocol right. It's almost like not having an antivirus in your operating system and you're just allowing applications to randomly install onto your hard drive or on your phone and next thing you know you're infiltrated and then harm is being done onto your computer. It's the same thing when you freely give your trust and displace your trust to the wrong people. It's costly. That's what I think about that.

Speaker 1:

Trust yourself first, know what your core values are, know who and what you stand for as an individual and, to be honest, you don't negotiate those things. A lot of those core values as far as who you are, shouldn't be negotiable, and I used to be that person. I'm like, oh, I meet a lot of people and welcome people with open arms. And some people say, oh, you're too nice, and I'm like, yeah, well, I am very nice, until I've experienced quite a bit of heartache because of my naivete and thinking that people had the same pure intentions as me but in reality don't have the pure intentions that I thought they had.

Speaker 1:

Learn the hard way. That's what you wanted to hear. All right, it's a simple concept, it's an easy thing to do. But people make it complicated and difficult and say it's too hard for me. It's not stop eating in your way and just implement, stick to it, sometimes the most simplest of concepts. People make it hard because it's like it can't be that easy. It can't be that easy. Then, nam, thank you. But here's the thing life can be easy and I think I've shared this with you guys.

Speaker 1:

I used to think unconsciously and sort of my negative thought when I was still in my early 30s. I used to say like, oh my gosh, life is so hard, life is against me, blah, blah, blah. And then one of my spiritual teachers I want to say about seven years ago, seven, eight years ago said you know what? Life is not hard, you're making it hard, you're making it hard. She said I never want to hear from your mouth again that life is hard. Every time you think that life is hard, I need you to replace it with life is easy. And so that's sort of again mindset check what's really going on. And so, instead of saying life is hard, he says I'm like, life is easy, I don't have any problems, I don't have any haters, I don't have any enemies. Because here's the thing, all of those things are all self-induced, self-created. Okay, they may not like me, but okay, I'm not participating. I'm not participating. Life is not hard, I'm making it hard for myself. You create your experiences. Just know that. And it may again, if you are so used to going off a certain script for a long time, you're like, oh, it's impossible, it is impossible. Life is shit right now.

Speaker 1:

What do you focus on? Expanse, what you focus on, expanse. Thank you, miss Puerto Rico, tash Tashi, fly Fax Elaine we have a lot of emotions. We have a lot of emotions, but I want to simplify this for you guys, because you know I'm all about just sort of why make life harder when you can learn from people? Who has been there, done that, and so you can accelerate or have a faster experience of more heaven in your life, meaning you can create heaven overnight by just switching your mindset or reframing your mindset. All right, mia, I see your question and I'm going to finish my thought and then I'm going to respond to your question.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of little emotions that we feel all day long, but if you just again have awareness because awareness is key it's either are you in fear or are you moving in love. Are you moving in fear or are you moving in love? So if you're feeling set in depress, it's like, oh really, the real core of it is fear. How can you reframe yourself to focusing on love? And, by the way, it's not about you know, it's love. It's again I'm going back to self self-induced fear, self-induced love. You can, you have the ability to do this, but a lot of people have gotten so used to and addicted to fear Again. So many different subcategories of emotions under fear. Same thing with love. There's many different flavors and sub-emotions that fall under higher category of love, the higher category of fear. It's an easy way for you to reframe mindset check.

Speaker 1:

I am now in fear once again. I'm now in fear once again, and last night I did a live and I talked about how can you be, how can you find more peace? It's that. It's sort of like open fear once again. The thing is, you can't get to love without peace. You can't get your fear, your turmoil, with yourself. Sometimes it's hard to see love when you have turmoil. You can't get to love the bridges, peace. Just know fear, love the bridges peace. Fear, love the bridges peace.

Speaker 1:

If you are, catch yourself here, I am, I'm fearful, once again I'm. I am now focusing on fear. Remember, what you focus on expands. What you focus on expands. And, by the way, the emotions, all of the other emotions that fall under the category of fear, you feel them. They're real, not saying invalidating your state. However, you have every control to choose. What are you picking more of? And I'll even rephrase it Hell or heaven. Fear, hell, love, heaven. This is a choice, giving you guys at least some concepts. You don't have to agree with me. You're going to dare and challenge you, put it to the test and see how your world shifts.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you can create, you can pick fear, and the thing about it is a lot of people pick fear and choose fear because it's familiar, it's something that they, a lot of people, experience a lot of, and then it becomes normal, it becomes acceptable and sometimes it's here's the thing Fear, love, and the bridge is peace. If you can somehow find peace meaning, how can you get yourself out of turmoil, to be in peace, and peace is hope. It's like the bridge of hope when you find, when you take, look up and say I see hope and the hope is me getting at peace, thinking less negative, thinking less of all of these fear based emotions. The hope is the bridge, is peace, because you can't get to love without peace, you can't get back to self without you being a peace, quieting the fear. In order for you to experience love, you have to be at peace first with yourself, and it actually.

Speaker 1:

It's not like I am simplifying this right, it doesn't have to be a one, two, three step process, but it could certainly be. For the beginners or the people who has never done this before, here's your one, two, three step process, but in reality it's sort of like a simultaneous thing that happens. It is a simple concept. It seems like an abstract idea, and so I try to take abstract ideas and simplify them. Same thing with a mindset check model. Here's the thing. Let me wrap up this thought I'm giving you guys a one, two, three step process.

Speaker 1:

What is your emotion, especially if you're defaulting to fear? Any other emotions that fall under that? Sad fear, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, depression. Okay, I am in fear. How can I find hope and get hope towards love and be at peace? And the first step is let me think less negatively, let me think less about this, let me not fuel this anymore and let me find a way where I can be at peace with myself right now and then when you're at peace with yourself. This is about self-management you self-manage yourself to peace and then, when you're at that peaceful state, when you're no longer in a state of fear, then you can go. How can I give myself more love? How can I now focus on more loving things for myself? Emotion equals fear. How can I find your steps towards love? Think less fear, switch mindset.

Speaker 1:

Noted. We'll just repeat I'm giving you guys a simplified process here for you to get Back to love. When I say love, it's back to yourself, because love is always been present, but again your consciousness has been misdirected Elsewhere and think that love belongs somewhere else, that you're supposed to be receiving love from outside, but in reality you've had it this entire time. Tash Skyfly 8 said it's not easy those who are new to switch the mindset when it's not familiar. That's why this is a simplified process. Right, it's simple, just follow it. It's really simple, don't over complicated. It's sort of like step one. I'm identifying. I am now in fear.

Speaker 1:

This is the state that I want to continue and, by the way, thank you for all the love taps appreciate it. Thank you for all the love taps. And I'm gonna comment this Tony Cowboy says this crazy because she is so beautiful Physically. Who are you talking about? And, by the way, for all the fellas and I've shared this with you guys, who me? I love that. I love that question. I'm gonna wrap up my last thought about sort of simplifying this right mindset check.

Speaker 1:

But Mia said if someone violated your boundary, would you speak to them or would you just walk away? Oh, good stuff, good stuff, sean, he's talking about me. You guys know, for all the guys who come here, guys are being honey potted to your spiritual awakening. I have come to accept that and thank you, thank you for thinking that you think that I am what I am, but in reality, what does it have anything to do with anything? Guys like beautiful things. Oh, look at that shiny object Squirrel. But you stay here long enough. We're getting, we're gonna get into some deep stuff meaning you, your spiritual awakening to self, your spiritual awakening to you, finding your way back to yourself. Love, you guys are all being honey potted to your spiritual awakening. You just know. Alright, that's how guys are. It's like oh girl, oh, listen to my voice. You're being hypnotized. Your spiritual awakening yeah, I'm just saying this jokingly, especially for a lot of the people newbies, right, and I know, even though as much as possible, or not as much as possible for the longest, I'm like why are you guys following me?

Speaker 1:

I'm a life coach for women. Why are guys keep showing up on here? I'm not gonna fight against it, I'm gonna flow with it. I'm going to flow with it. But I know I've changed the lives of a lot of people. Does it matter whether you are gay, straight, woman, man, young, old? Try this, guys, cover your eyes, put the phone down and just listen to my voice.

Speaker 1:

Oh, do not fall in love with me. See, I'm gonna tell you guys, this is the cause for me blocking people Exactly right here falling in love with me. Don't fall in love with me. I am just an illusion to you. I am not real. Sears, I think. Don't fall in love with an illusion of what you're creating for yourself and I'm gonna share it this way, guys and I, I am not forgetting the question about people Violating boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Just hang on with me, mia. Hang on with me, because this is, this is good stuff. Do you realize? It's all self-inflicted and and you're only setting yourself up for more disappointment. It's the same thing as when you're focusing on the wrong things.

Speaker 1:

I'm asked, I'm tell I'm sharing that you are focused on the wrong thing, so I'm not gonna reciprocate, I'm not going to fall in love with you. It's all of your made-up illusion. I'm gonna ask you what's missing? What's missing from your life? And here's the thing you're missing yourself. You're missing and not realizing that. All you need is yourself an awakening that you're enough.

Speaker 1:

And a lot of people again Create delusions, focus on the wrong things, focus on the past, focus on what they don't have or what they think they need to have or which they had. When you're missing the point, I'm only going to violate your expectations and this is the reason why I do block people. Get people like professing their love for me on DM. I'm like you are just on my life, no boundaries, right? Living an illusion, thinking that I'm somehow going to reciprocate. It's not gonna happen and I have to be mindful and careful, because I also have to be aware of my safety, because I get men who will hunt me down and other Social media accounts.

Speaker 1:

It's scary. I'm just letting you know. These are all trigger words for me, saying I'm falling in love with you. Don't prepare for your dream to turn into a quick disappointment. This is the reason why I would block a person. It's scary. Here's the thing. Just admire I admire this beautiful individual. I see this for who she is. That's it. Don't create a fantasy. Don't fall in love. But why is there a need to fall in love? Because in reality here's the thing You're too old or poor to do that. No, I'm just. I am sharing with you. I have quite a bit of stalkers and it's scary, it's not fun.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of psychopathic people out there and this goes back to boundaries. Let me reel this back up to boundaries, guys. This is a great segue to Mia's comment. Mia's comment is I know one of my values is safety, and really all of men and women. This has got to be your value. One of the core values to have in life is safety. And, mia, if someone violated your boundary, would you speak to them or would you just let them walk Right now?

Speaker 1:

You guys heard me see me speak to Someone violating one of my core values safety and a boundary. I'm setting a boundary. Don't do that. It's so inappropriate. I'm a stranger. You don't know me right. I know myself well enough and I trust myself making these judgments and these decisions, because I've experienced enough psychos in my life. So safety is my number one thing, especially when meeting people. Safety. Is this person a safe, sane, stable individual? Do I want to be around someone who doesn't have boundaries and who is unstable? To fall in love with someone in less than five minutes? No going back to do I talk to them or would I just walk away? And here's the thing depends on the situation. These are two different strategies. Two different strategies. Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

I prefer to talk things out with people. Sometimes people don't know and it's just a matter of communicating what you stand for, who you are. That's all you're really doing. For example, one was the last time I had to talk to someone about. Ok, let me tell you guys. You guys know I don't have guy friends. I only have business contacts and acquaintances. This is a decision, this is a boundary I made for myself. I do not have guy friends. I only engage in business situations.

Speaker 1:

I so respect this individual. He always has my back. It's a business contact, but he has made it clear to me time and time again he is highly attracted to me and if I did allow it, he would certainly just love to date me and make me this woman. I communicate every single time. This person is still a business acquaintance of mine. The reason for it is he is an amazing, intelligent business man and gives me great strategy and advice in business, and I have shared with this individual I never want you to do anything because you, like me, make sure whatever you're doing is of good intentions, not because you want to get something from me, because, from where I stand, I respect you as a business contact and I'm not in a place to entertain anyone romantically.

Speaker 1:

That is the most recent communication that I had with someone regarding my boundary. If I have to repeat it another 10,000 times, I'm going to do it. This person hasn't intentionally disrespected me. Remember my core, my safety, respect, honesty. He's at least honest with me. I'm making a choice to keep this relationship based on open honesty and I appreciate the fact that he is voicing this out to me versus being covert about it. And I've had men in my life who've been covert about their intentions which sucks, by the way and think that somehow they're just going to manipulate and slide their way into my heart. You need to quit right Bye, you are no longer in my life.

Speaker 1:

I prefer to communicate if and when, if and when, if and when there is mutual respect and it's going to produce a positive outcome. Has there been times I just walk away Absolutely? And here is the thing you don't owe anyone anything and sort of what I shared here. If you are in a general setting, you don't have to announce what your boundary is. If you just know internally, ok, this person clearly doesn't have any respect and it's a liar. I just go on my merry way.

Speaker 1:

Again, depending on the situation because these are two different strategies I also just walk away and don't have to communicate, especially if the other person is being hurtful. I've experienced really challenging people in my life that don't know any boundaries, that are highly negative. Most people are sort of like no, I accept the situation for what it is, and it doesn't matter how emotionally intelligent and mature I am, because they're always going to be right. There are certain people with certain mentalities, that it's best, it's to your best interest, to just walk away. Remember these things are strategies.

Speaker 1:

Winning your trust doesn't mean winning your heart Fact. Indeed, you've got to know what your intention is. Am I doing this because I want something from this person or am I doing this because I truly want to do this for this person? I ask myself that all the time because, again, I don't want to be disappointed and I decide I want to give someone just a random gift because I'm thinking about them and it's like I'm just going to give this out of love and whatever they do with it, that's theirs. Yes, you've got to know your expectations. Know that it's a strategy.

Speaker 1:

Communication you can communicate too. You can also communicate and your boundaries continue to get violated. Then you can just go. Ok. My next strategy Now, remember, you're a car. You're a car. You have different gears. If you keep bumping or running over the same pothole on the road and then the pothole, you see the pothole once again, just drive over it once again, risking yourself from getting a flat tire. You go oh, you may not necessarily need to shift gears. You could slow down and you could just like oh, I'm going this way. I'm going to avoid that. Know when to use the different strategies in the right situation and in the right context.

Trust Yourself, Set Healthy Boundaries
Simplify Mindset for a Happier Life
Establishing Boundaries and Communication Strategies